i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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