Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
