Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
