Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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