I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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