im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
