just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
