Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Holy sore nipples Batman
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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