Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
