This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
