there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
