YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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