Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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