Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
