It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
What changed your mind?
Being sober
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
