I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
