the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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