i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
