over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
