He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize