Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
