So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
