Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
