My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
