I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
