Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i need an iv and a liver transplant
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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