my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
