i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
