I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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