Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
And then he peed in my hair
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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