I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
