that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
