i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
