That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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