he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
