some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
