One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
