I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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