he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
