I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
