does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Randomize
