yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
