My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
