sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
