Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Randomize
