I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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