They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
My life is pants optional.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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