found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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