Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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