A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
