I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
