Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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