my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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