Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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