just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
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