So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I need to calm my uterus...
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
