Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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