yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
