just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
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I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
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My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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