Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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