Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
