im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
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