Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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