I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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