Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Randomize
