I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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