just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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