I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
