You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
