Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
