Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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