You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
