Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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