oh god the rape fog is back!
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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