I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
My cat gives me a boner
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I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
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You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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