I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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