Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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