Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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