Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
