I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
