When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
