what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
