Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
