You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
