I wish I could teleport
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
