Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
you didnt know i had herpes?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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