i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
