the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
