He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
it's like heaven, but drunker
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
